Part of what I struggle with in dancing is finding a balance between the stuff I love and the stuff that’s merely necessary.
I love social dancing. Love it, love it, love it. I enjoy getting dressed up. I enjoy the mild flirtation. I enjoy the social interaction. And most of all I enjoy the opportunity to experiment and be creative. When I’m dancing socially I don’t really worry about my technique and I almost never feel self-conscious (except in a good way). I’m only there because I want to be.
With lessons and practice it’s different. They feel like a necessary evil. I like feeling like a good dancer, and I know that better technique and better knowledge of the dances will improve my social dancing. But rarely are these things any fun for me. I’m a clock watcher during lessons. I go into them hoping that this time the lesson will just fly by, but it usually doesn’t happen that way. Lessons aren’t about having fun or being creative and free. They’re about pursuing some standard of perfection.
I don’t compete because I don’t like my dancing to be judged. Lessons often make me feel the same way. At lessons I’m always worried about how I’m not doing the steps right, rather than glorying in the thrill of the movement.
I hate this. I hate that the two things can’t work together as they should. Lessons are stressful and I wish they weren’t. I wish learning to dance was as much fun as the actual dancing.