In honor of the holiday weekend, iTunes had scads of nature apps on sale. Tons of things I’ve been meaning to pick up for ages, including a fun birding guide called Peterson Birds of North America. It includes gorgeous illustrations, habitat descriptions and a special little speaker button that will play recordings of bird calls.

Charming, huh?

I decided to test it out this afternoon while browsing through the section on owls.

You know what I learned? Great Horned Owl hoots make my cats freak the crap out!

I shared this story on Facebook and my friend Brian S. could not resist writing a “improved” version of my post. I thought it was priceless and I think you’ll enjoy it too. It has nothing to do with knitting, but hey, not everything is about knitting. So, without further ado, I am pleased to present:

Mr. Fluffernutter’s Freak-Out

Dear readers,

I am sending you this message, nay, pleading warning, as I lay recovering in the ICU.

DO NOT – EVER – play a clip of a great horned owl in the house if you have a cat. No matter how piqued your interest is, do not do it!

I recently downloaded a seemingly peaceful nature guide app to elevate my ornithological interests and appreciate Audubonish audio. I decided to do this as Mr. Fuffernutter was cat napping in my lap.

I played the wistful warble of a western wren, and Mr. Fluffer’s (née) tail twitched in dreaming delight. Intrigued at the obvious nocturnal visions  Mr. Fluffernutter was enjoying due to my newfound app, I proceeded playing peeps from parrots and quacks from Kuwaiti quails.

It was when I got to the American owls that the story took a turn for the worst!

Looking back, I see myself in slow motion selecting the audio clip of the North American Great Horned Owl, female, hunting hoot.

The last thing I remember before waking in the ICU was poor, innocent Mr. Fulffernutter, eyes wide in holy, unbridled, bloody terror, transforming into a Tex Avery-like whirling dervish of teeth, claws, fur, defensive secretions, and an odor the nurses describe as “infected monster truck tires” (their words, not mine).

So please, PLEASE, do not play audio clips of great horned owls inside the house.