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Archive for the ‘Psychology’ Category

3KCBWDAY4 In Which an Innocent Blog Post about Seasonal Knitting Goes Places I Didn’t Expect

Posted in Clothing and Accessories, Humor, Knitting, Life, Psychology, tagged , , , , , , , , , on April 25, 2012 | 27 Comments »

I’m participating in the third annual knitting and crochet blog week. 

Today’s assignment is to blog about how local seasonal weather affects my craft.

On the surface, here is what I observe about my knitting:

  • In cold weather I crave coziness and warmth. I knit “lap warmer” projects. I prefer wool.
  • In warm weather I crave coolness and easy movement. I gravitate toward smaller projects and breezier yarns.

Well that’s disappointingly unoriginal. I’m not even trying here, am I?

Ah, but that’s just the surface. Ok folks, brace up. It’s time to get real.

Winter

I’m a little bit seasonal-affective, like a lot of people. During the winter, I cocoon. When I do, my natural tendency is to choose cozy, comfort projects; large projects that favor lots of time spent on the couch. I choose projects that allow me to become a knitting hermit. Just me and my needles. Plus a cat on my lap and a few good movies on the TV.

My Honey Cowl. This winter I made two of these while visiting at home during the Christmas holidays.

In addition, during the winter, I knit much more for others than I do for myself. I knit gifts. Part of being a little depressed is that I seek approval from others. So I choose projects that feed my desire to be liked.

In the winter, my knitting is therapy, coping mechanism, and emotional crutch.

Oh joy.

Well, I knew this blog post could go to uncomfortable places.

Spring

In Minnesota, spring is fickle. This season has more trouble making up its mind than I do when choosing a meal at Panera.

In Spring, my knitting is fickle too. I start new project after new project. And those projects spawn more projects. And I buy a lot of yarn.

I've already purchased the lovely linen yarn to make this pretty flippy skirt. And that's just one of about 10 projects I've got going right now. Pattern is Sasha by Louet.

My spring knitting is hopeful. Sometimes overly hopeful. It’s also intoxicating.

It’s a good thing I like knitting socks. This spring I’ve been buying lots of fingering weight yarn.

Summer

If past summers are any indication, my knitting will slow down significantly in the summer. It’s as if the amount of sunshine on my face has an inverse relationship to my attention span. I’ll keep a few small projects on the needles, like socks and dish cloths. Things I can interrupt without a problem and return to with ease.

Last summer I knitted a LOT of dish cloths like this one. What can I say? I'm a bit of a Dr. Who nerd. Pattern my Lorenia Lemas.

What’s this seasonal affective thing? Never heard of it. Wanna go to the farmer’s market? Or for a bike ride? Sure, we can bring our knitting. I have a pair of socks that will fit into my backpack.

Autumn

My favorite season. The season is still having a pleasant effect on my moods, so I’ve got lots of energy and optimism, but I’ve suddenly got the attention span I need to start thinking about bigger projects again. I begin setting knitting goals again, browsing for patterns, and neatening up my stash. I shop for knitting books. I’m excited about my knitting. Christmas is coming in only a few months. I’ve got loads of time to knit gifts. Maybe this year I’ll finally knit all my gifts. And then I’ll rearrange my closet, and clean out the fridge, and alphabetize my books….

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The Makeover

Posted in Dance, Life, Psychology, tagged , , , , , , , on December 7, 2010 | 2 Comments »

A friend of mine was recently hired as a dance teacher at a local studio (yay!) and we’re all very happy for her. I think she knows that her new career is going to throw her all sorts of unexpected curve balls—that’s just the way it is. Some of these curve balls, she’ll sidestep with grace. And some will hit her gut.

New jobs require you to make-yourself-over, in one way or another. You spend a lot of time figuring out who you are in your work place—you put it on the first day, like a suit of clothes and spend weeks or months trying to make it fit. In the case of my friend’s new job at the studio, the makeover required is both internal and external.

The internal makeover

A dance teacher must be confident in his or her own skin in order to effectively teach others. If one wants to become a teacher, but does not already possess this confidence, one must learn it.

The last year, it’s been very inspirational to watch my friend learn this confidence. She calls it “owning her inner sexy girl.” It certainly is that. But it’s something more, too. I’ve gone through the same journey. I’m going through it now.  The studio owners have been very supportive an encouraging of this transformation and it’s a joy to see it. I’m glad they seem to understand that this learning is an emotional evolution that will take time. I’m glad they recognize that the process must be personal, guided by your own sexy-compass.

The external makeover

I hate to admit it, but the makeover can’t stop on the inside. I hate it, because I desperately want to believe that nurturing one’s inner light is all that one needs to be confident and beautiful and to appear so to others. But that’s not the case.

Part of the makeover recommended by the studio, rather explicitly, was cosmetic. A “face” and a “look” are required, worthy of a dance teacher.

A “face”—foundation, mascara, lipstick , a stylish hair-do.

A “look” – clothes that fit perfectly and flatter your dancing.

The appearance of confidence and success.

This is where my friend balks and where I do too: partly because it feels like a violation of selfhood; partly because this transformation is not given time to develop but must happen almost instantaneously. It’s not just a costume and a temporary role. It’s a personal change that shouts all sorts of barely-understood messages to the world.

What makes a dance teacher? Knowledge and skills plus the will and talent to teach them to others?  That’s the basics. Add in that inner-sexy-girl confidence to inspire yourself and others. That really ought to be it. But it’s not.

If given the opportunity to take lessons from two different teachers I knew nothing about, one who was immaculately groomed and one who was schlubby,  I have to admit that I’d choose the groomed teacher every time. I think most people would. The grooming says that they take themselves and their job seriously. It says that they are successful and confident.

So that’s what you have to do. I just wish it felt like a choice as part of the personal journey, not lock-step conformity.

Curve ball. Gut. Ouch.

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Stop Striving For Perfection

Posted in Dance, Life, Psychology, tagged , , , on November 3, 2010 | Leave a Comment »

I have problems with perfectionism in dancing. If I’m really being honest, I’ll admit that perfectionism rears its ugly ….errr…immaculately coiffed head in other parts of my life too.  I worry about what other people think of my dancing. I worry about being judged. I’ve got an honest to God complex, and sometimes it’s really frustrating.

I used to dance competitively, but stopped a few years ago. Why? It was no fun. It goes beyond that. It was hell. And it made dancing, something I really love, into a horror. Why’d I do it? Peer pressure. And because competing gave me access to talented, motivated partners who wanted to work hard and get better. I wanted the support of the competitive dance community. I didn’t know how to leave the competing out of the equation.

Last night, in bolero technique class, we began by working the basic step. And as often happens while focusing on details and striving for perfection, my dancing started to get worse. I worried about the teacher and other students watching me and judging me. Oh my GOD she’s terrible. Look at that, she can’t keep her balance and dance at the same time. Better not let her chew gum, she might fall down.

I’m  happy to report that I gave myself a shake and a talking to. I reminded myself that I dance my best when I dance with confidence, that I already KNEW this basic step and had done it for years. that if I would just let my brain get out of the way of my body and allow my body to move I’d be so much happier and dance so much better. And it was true.  My basic got better and, once I stopped trying so hard, I was actually able to apply some of what we were learning.

There’s a life coaching website I visited recently that has a whole section devoted to dancing with confidence. I like what they have to say, particularly Step 5:

  • Don’t let the search for perfection get in the way of your enjoyment of the dance. You will never dance with confidence if you continually focus on the negative. Focus on the positive.
  • Concentrate on how much you CAN do, not on what you can’t do – yet. Close down the voice inside your head that continually tells you that you are a klutz and that you cannot do anything right.
  • Tell it to “Shut up” then get on and dance. We would not dream of speaking to other people the way we speak to ourselves – so don’t put up with it for a moment longer

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In the Humdrums

Posted in Dance, Psychology, tagged , on October 9, 2010 | Leave a Comment »

I think every dancer experiences the humdrums sometimes, but the ubiquity of the experience doesn’t make it any less frustrating.

The humdrums. Hummmm druuummms.

Last night, BF and I went to the monthly USA Dance dance. I’d been thinking about it and even looking forward to it all day. Then we started to dance and the dancing was all off. My balance wasn’t right. The steps felt foreign. It felt as though the floor was made out of a veneer of oak over honey combs.

In short, the dance sucked. And there was nothing I could do about it.

I tried cultivating a more positive attitude. I tried throwing myself into it and hoping the happy feelings would follow. No luck.

Sometimes, a dance is like that. The night is like that. And nothing can save it. The only recourse is strategic retreat. Press the reset button and hope that next time it wall all come out perfectly.  I’ll have saved up a surplus of good dance karma and I will have no choice but to have a good time.

That’s my plan. That’s my prayer.

Are you listening, dance gods?

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Holding My Tongue

Posted in Dance, Psychology, YouTube, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on September 16, 2010 | Leave a Comment »

I’ve been struggling lately with what to blog about because what I really want to talk about, what I really want to get off my chest involves personal frustrations related to specific people and how they impact my dancing and, most especially, how I feel about my dancing.

I was reminded today, when I read a friend’s Facebook page, how the things you say in a public forum about other people in the dance community can really make life in said dance community tense and uncomfortable. It depends on your comfort level with conflict I guess. And the social sacrifices you’re willing to make in order to say what you think.

I don’t think I’ve reached critical mass yet, and I’m more interested in repairing my bridges than burning them. But it’s tough sometimes. “Minnesota nice” is hard. Not that one is required to adhere to MN nice. No one demands that. But just because you don’t doesn’t mean that other people will understand. People assume you’re part of the “be nice” culture around here. A few harsh words come off very differently here than they might elsewhere.

So I’m holding my tongue, because I care more about my connections in the dance community than I care about speaking my mind.

And on that note, here’s something happy: some amazing dancing from the Youth Division at the IDSF Latin Championships. Note: They’re wearing a lot more clothes than I’m used to seeing in Latin. Love the feathers.

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Stupid Friggin’ A-Frame

Posted in Dance, Psychology, tagged , , on August 20, 2010 | 1 Comment »

Right now, my biggest challenge in learning Argentine Tango is maintaining a solid A-frame with my partner. Up until now, social Argentine Tango has let me off the hook. I thought of Argentine Tango embrace as a sort a messy ballroom tango frame that let me do all the things I’ve been told not to do:

This is a bit exaggerated, but you get the idea. (Image from ArgentingTangoLessonsinOrangeCounty.com)

  • Look at my partner/ my partner’s chest/the floor.
  • Stand on my toes instead of getting my heels down (not really the whole story, but to a beginner, this is what it looks like).
  • Lean on my partner instead of supporting my own weight by myself– although I could never bring myself to do this.
  • Violate the NFZ (no finger zone) that begins at my partner’s shoulder seem. I actually get to wrap my left arm around my partner and he gets to wrap his around my back. It’s all sexy and wrong.
  • Anticipate backward movement by not only preparing my back leg to move, but also extending it backward before my partner has begun to move his body.

Now that I’m taking lessons I’m starting to realize that none of these things make sense without a better understanding of the counter-weighted A-frame underneath it all. And A-frame is so hard to maintain! Raggin’ fraggin’ A-frame.

I’ve got to lean in toward my partner (but not let my abs go and my back get swayed). And he’s go to lean in to me. We’ve got to work together and trust one another.

On Tuesday in class, I said to my partner, “This is like trust falls!”

I don’t think I usually reach much of a level of trust with strangers, or even most friends, on the dance floor. I don’t usually try to.  He asks me for a dance, or I ask him. There’s a brief scuffle as we assess one another’s level of experience. And we do the whole lead and follow thing, which is kind of like a trust exercise, but not the way an A-frame is.

An A-frame is like too much self-disclosure with a new friend. It either puts your relationship on the fast-track,  accelerating intimacy. Or your confession scares them away.

Maybe that’s my main problem. An A-frame still feels like too much trust. Too much to give to just anybody.

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Complete Lack of Motivation

Posted in Dance, Life, Psychology, tagged , , on May 4, 2010 | 4 Comments »

Right now, I’m suffering from complete lack of dance motivation. I have classes and lessons scheduled all month, and I just can’t muster the interest to care about any of it. What gives?

It’s funny how my yen for dancing comes and goes in waves. Right now, I’m at low ebb. There’s so much going on my life–new house, crazy job, misbehaving feline, car accident/necessary repairs–that it overwhelms me. It’s hard to get interested in or excited about anything else when these things are dominating my life.

I love dancing. So why is it that all I want to do is go home and take a nap or clean the kitchen? Clean the kitchen?!  When I want to do that more than I want to dance something is seriously wrong.

I wonder if I should make an effort to move myself out of low ebb, or if I should just go with it? Is this my brain and my body telling me that I need a rest? Maybe. The thing is, though, I already paid for all of these lessons and classes. I can’t just not go. What a waste of money that would be. Plus, there are classes this month that I’ve really been looking forward to–West Coast Swing and, finally, a beginning Argentine Tango class not on Mondays.

How do I recover from my complete lack of motivation? I just don’t know. And I don’t feel very motivated to try.

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Sometimes it Sucks to be Famous

Posted in Dance, Psychology, tagged , , , , , on April 18, 2010 | Leave a Comment »

We all look up to champions–the famous, successful dancers who win big titles and serve as glamorous, charismatic ambassadors for ballroom dancing. We envy them. We try to emulate them. We revel in casual encounters with them. It’s like a dance god has descended from the heavens to bestow favors upon the lesser mortals.

And that’s how we treat them too. It might sound like fun, but this weekend it occurred to me that it might really suck too.

Nels Petersen & Theresa Kimler. Poor famous schmucks.

On Saturday, I attended the monthly USA Dance dance in Minneapolis. The dance was fabulous. The room was crowded and there were a lot of more advanced dancers present who don’t usually attend the Cafe Bailar dance.  And then, around 9 pm or so, Nels and Theresa turned up. They strolled into the room and began dancing. I was very happy to see that they were dancing with a variety of people in the room, not just with each other. Not snobby. Part of the community. How refreshing.

They had about 30 minutes of peace. 30 minutes of dancing incognito, and then one of the dance organizers ruined it all. She got on the mic and began a long-winded speech, the upshot of which was that champion dancers are really special and, because Minnesota doesn’t have many, we should lavish the ones we have with feverish devotion. Nels and Theresa obligingly came out to take a bow, but seemed pretty uncomfortable. In fact, Nels walked out, spun Theresa, and then slunk off the floor with thinly veiled annoyance.

I felt really bad for them. No matter where they dance, they’re already on display without even trying. I’m sure that, sometimes, they might like to take a break from being celebrities. It would be nice if the people running USA Dance in Minneapolis would be willing to provide a safe” environment for them where they can relax and pretend that they’re just like everybody else. Not on display. Not worshipped. Not pandered to. Just a pair of devoted dance enthusiasts in a room full of other dance enthusiasts. Part of the family.

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Flash Mobs are My New Obsession

Posted in Dance, Psychology, tagged , , , , , , , , on April 14, 2010 | Leave a Comment »

There’s something so wonderful and joyful about flash mobs. A bunch of people gather together for a seemingly random group dance number in a public space. I love the way it subverts people’s notion of place. I love the energy and vitality of it. I love the feeling it gives you, just watching it, that wonderful and unexpected things can happen any time.

Here are a few of my favorites:

1) Michael Jackson Tribute Flash Mob

2) The “T-Mobile” Dance (this one has a little ballroom in it)

3) Beyonce 100 Single Ladies

4) Seattle GLEE Flash Mob

Share your favorite flash mob video, if you have one.

If you’ve ever participated in a flash mob, or have ever watched one in person, I’d love to hear about that too.

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The Value of Dancing is Subjective. Deal With It.

Posted in Dance, Psychology, tagged , , , , , , , on April 13, 2010 | 1 Comment »

I get frustrated with people who think one type of dancing is “better” than another. To me, dancing is dancing, and while each person may have their own personal preference, there is no way to objectively say that one type of dancing is better.

I recently responded to a comment in a blog I follow, Dance Escapade by Sean. The blogger had posted a video of some couples dancing international style tango at a competition.

A commenter on the post, who is clearly into Argentine Tango (and Argentine Tango ONLY), responded back, questioning the value of ballroom-style tango as a dance.

The only word I can use to describe what I saw in that video is abuse. I don’t understand how those women put up with being jerked around by partners who never look at them for one second….It is too bad that so many do not know what they are missing as dancers by not knowing the tango that was born in Buenos Aires. The English and American versions do not come close because they are all about steps.

From reading these comments and subsequent comments, it looks to me as if this commenter considers social Argentine Tango the only truly worthwhile pursuit in partner dancing–and all the rest is inferior. Those of us who are ballroom enthusiasts. Those of us who work hard on our technique, go to ballroom social dances and competitions–we’re wasting our time.  We’ve got the wool pulled over our eyes. If only we were enlightened, we would realize that ballroom dancing is all BS and we would focus on AT–the only dance that gets it right; the only dance that matters.

When I watched the video, I saw something completely different. I remember thinking, as I was watching, ” This is really awesome tango. How can you not appreciate this?”  At the same time I wondered, “Why is it that people feel driven to elevate their favorite form of dance as the best? Why is it necessary to devalue other forms of dance in order to establish the value of your own favorite?” I don’t get it.

How would you support such a statement, after all? And how would you measure quality of a type of dance to prove that it was better than another?

  • How much fun you have?
  • Feelings of satisfaction (which is different than fun)?
  • Technical difficulty?
  • How popular the dance is?
  • How easy it is to learn?
  • How expensive the training is (if you pay more, does that make it “better”)? How accessible (do you have to travel)?

I don’t think any of these things really help determine the quality of a dance. Quality depends entirely on you and your perceptions. Those perceptions are often formed by the dance culture you’re a part of. If you tend to hang out with mostly ballroom folks, chances are you’ll prefer ballroom and value those things about ballroom that make it what it is. If you hang out with AT addicts, chances are you’ll have strong preferences for AT and those elements that make AT unique. That doesn’t make either of you right. It’s completely subjective.

Looking for ways to prove that one type of dance is better than another is an exercise in irrational thinking.What’s more, it creates little imagined communities within the social and competitive dance scene where I really don’t think there need to be any. They’re more hurtful than helpful. If more ballroom people went to a milonga every once in a while, and vice versa, I think we’d all understand and value each other a little more.

We’re all dancers and we’re all here because of an interest we have in common. Let’s accept that the value of different types of dancing is subjective. If we don’t, we’re only hurting ourselves and limiting our vision.

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